Flying can be scary.That's why flight attendants and pilots try to add a little levity (get it?) to the experience. Here are some actual airplane announcements that readers have sent us.
(I'm just typing the funniest ones)
Preparing For Takeoff
"To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth before assisting children or adults acting like children."
"Anyone person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."
In-Flight Guffaws From The Pilot
"Mornin', folks. As we leave Dallas, it's warm and the sun is shining. Unfortunately, we're going to New York, where it is cold and rainy. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
"We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the business. Sadly, none of them are working this flight."
"Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination Day."
"The weather in San Francisco is 61 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive."
Landing and De-Planing
"Sorry about the rough landing, folks. I'd just like to assure you that it wasn't the airline's fault; it wasn't the flight attendant's fault; nor was it the pilot's fault. It was the asphalt."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Thanks for flying with us today. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us."
"Last one off the plane has to clean it!"
Topic: Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. (Read 620 times)
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