Nailed it.

[rlrcstrnthusiast]

I have a feeling those ducks won't be coming to my pool any time soon.

So we have a pair of mallards, male and female, that have a habit of using our pool as their private oasis, and they don't scare easily. As such, we scare them out of my parent's pool by throwing tennis balls at them. I always miss -- except for this morning. Nailed the boy mallard in the head and flash-knocked it out. How do I know it was out? Ever seen a duck sink like a rock before?

[Buck Turgidson]

I am no duck expert, but don't they float, naturally?  I mean, it seems like a sensible safeguard by mother nature to ensure that aquatic fowl as tasty as duck would float in case it is simply knocked out.  Also, in case of death, it could be fed upon by both fish and birds.  Hell, even swimmers.  Wouldn't hunting dogs have trouble picking up the scent if ducks sank.

Sir, your duck did not get knocked out, it escaped.  More precisely, it ducked.

[Bleak Outlook]

I am no duck expert, but don't they float, naturally?  I mean, it seems like a sensible safeguard by mother nature to ensure that aquatic fowl as tasty as duck would float in case it is simply knocked out.  Also, in case of death, it could be fed upon by both sea kitten and birds.  Hell, even swimmers.  Wouldn't hunting dogs have trouble picking up the scent if ducks sank.

Sir, your duck did not get knocked out, it escaped. More precisely, it ducked.

Have you ever thought of "scaring" the ducks away with a shotgun blast of birdshot? It's surprisingly effective. And tasty. Effective and tasty.

[Jenne]

From topic, I assumed you were talking about the married chicks.

[Leo]

From topic, I assumed you were talking about the married chicks.

It's what I was hoping for, actually.

[Buck Turgidson]

From topic, I assumed you were talking about the married chicks.

It's what I was hoping for, actually.

No, married ducks.  Actually we have no proof of marriage.  They might have been living in sin.

[rlrcstrnthusiast]

Have you ever thought of "scaring" the ducks away with a shotgun blast of birdshot? It's surprisingly effective. And tasty. Effective and tasty.

Don't have a shotgun, and I'm not really keen on the idea of shooting in my pool. Besides, takes more skill to nail one in the head.

[Fake from State Jarm]

so.... how long you think it'll be before kenny changes to a duck avatar and related name to make a huge rant thread about our obviously antiquated anti-duck attitudes

[Leo]

3 weeks. Dude's been getting a lot slower lately.



I think it might be time to put him down and get a new Kenny.

[ZPO4O]

3 weeks. Dude's been getting a lot slower lately.



I think it might be time to put him down and get a new Kenny.

Make sure to take him out back behind the shed and use silver bullets, just to be safe. Also decapitate him after you put him down. Oh yeah, drive a steak through his heart and put a rock in his mouth as well. Can never be too safe nowadays

[ZPO4O]

Oh yeah, and as for the ducks? Walk out of the house in an asian mask. Just about any kind of living animal is scared of asians. They can sense the fact that they can turn just about anything into edible food.

[Fake from State Jarm]

WereKenny vs. Any Asian Cook: The Fight of a Generation

broadcasting live on pay per view, taking bets in pm

[Leo]

Behind the shed? But that was our sacred sex space and I don't want to ruin it with his blood.


Btw, my pm's in your box and the check's in the mail, llama

[ZPO4O]

Eh, leo, your sex spot could do with a little kenny guts hanging from the lights. Gives it that natural 'at home feel' as the light glimmers off of his guts.

[Leo]

YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAD, ZEEP!!!! You were given a chance and you broke our hearts!

[Moth]

Have you ever thought of "scaring" the ducks away with a shotgun blast of birdshot? It's surprisingly effective. And tasty. Effective and tasty.

Don't have a shotgun, and I'm not really keen on the idea of shooting in my pool. Besides, takes more skill to nail one in the head.

Projectiles like bullets and shot lose velocity very quickly in water.

[Buck Turgidson]

So what weapon do you suggest?  I would personally go with a bat.  There's something primal about it.

[ZPO4O]

I'd replace the water with something flammable, and then toss a match in. Free dinner AND rescue fire. Ya know, just incase your lost and don't know it.

[rlrcstrnthusiast]

Have you ever thought of "scaring" the ducks away with a shotgun blast of birdshot? It's surprisingly effective. And tasty. Effective and tasty.

Don't have a shotgun, and I'm not really keen on the idea of shooting in my pool. Besides, takes more skill to nail one in the head.

Projectiles like oxets and shot lose velocity very quickly in water.

Number one, I'm a terrible shot. Number two, it was by an edge of the pool. They weren't scared by people, so going to that side would make no difference. They haven't been back since the incident (that we know of).

[Buck Turgidson]

They're birds.  They probably wait in a tree or on a nearby roof to watch you go to work, then fly down to piss and fornicate in your pool to get you back.  Ducks are vengeful creatures.