Russo-Irish Commies: What the Fuck

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Episode 1: Origins

The land of Gruthenia is not a very ancient one; the land itself is as old as dirt, because it is dirt, but as an organized entity, not so much. It is, however, the longest-lived Communist government in existence.

Gruthenia was founded by Irish nationalist refugees fleeing the Great Potato Famine in 1851 as a base to liberate Ireland from. During the long voyage to the southern Russian steppes that would eventually become their new homeland, the literate member of the group happened across a copy of the Communist Manifesto and decided that it would be a good idea to adopt Communism as their new economic system as a gesture of spite towards capitalist Great Britain.

Once in Russia, this ornery band of extremist refugees trekked along the endless steppes, and, after being rejected in their numerous attempts to simply take over a Russian village, finally settled down in the middle of nowhere, where absolutely nobody would know about their existence for the next 140 years. The settlers christened their new rogue nation "Fuckbritain" in honor of their place of origin, and celebrated their good fortune for having this wonderful plot of land all to themselves by ripping apart Sean McFlaherty, who chose this spot to settle in, limb by limb.

For the next 90 years the village-nation existed in peace under an ostensibly communist government, slowly building up for the day when they would bring liberation from Great Britain and the evil robber-baron overlords to Ireland. No communication with the outside world existed at this time, and the economy was based around subsistence farming.

Stay tuned for Episode 2 of this smash-up documentary, which will chronicle first contact with the outside world up to the present day!

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Episode 2: Contacts! Lots of Contacts!

After chugging along unmolested for a good 90 or so years, Fuckbritain finally had its first contact with the outside world in 1942, as the German armies advanced into southern Russia and the Caucasus.

Sergeant Artur Scherzinger wrote in his diary of the meeting with this odd collection of Irish Communists in Russia - "Our reconnaissance platoon came upon a village, much like any other of the endless Russian steppes. Originally we were going to simply loot the place for whatever food we could take, but as we drew closer we heard shouting. From my years in England I recognized it as English, although with an accent that made it hard to understand. They greeted us with cries of 'You'd better not be those damned Englishmen!' We assured them we were enemies of the Englishmen, and were treated as if we were kings. Apparently these queer, drunken, illiterate peasants were diehard Irish nationalists and communists as well, though we overlooked the communism since they were so anti-British."

After that, the Germans then proceeded to build a road through the village and use it as a stop on a supply route for their southern army groups, and even provided them with rifles "for the destruction of Perfidious Albion."

As the Germans were pushed back by the Russians, much the same process as the Germans put the Fuckbritannians through occurred with the Soviets. A relatively large number of Russian deserters also decided to call the village home, though the anti-Communists were used for target practice for their nifty new rifles, beginning the mini-nation's long tradition of harboring Communist dissidents from the USSR and murdering other dissidents. For some reason, neither the Germans nor the Soviets ever noted the village on their maps, and the road to the outside world gradually wore away.

After the Second World War, Fuckbritain became a very minor magnet for dissidents who claimed to be Communist and were released from the Soviet penal system. By pure coincidence, Fuckbritain rested exactly 101 kilometers from a major Soviet city. This was significant because released convicts in the Soviet penal system were often subject to an internal exile prohibiting them from settling within 100 kilometers of any major urban centers.

Over the years, the toniculace of Fuckbritain became more Russified, and the social situation evolved into an odd one with the Irish elite, who became more educated thanks to the outside knowledge of the Russians, and held onto their position by invoking the "first come first serve" rule, ruling over the Russian majority, with order preserved by the common ground the two groups had in Communism and perpetual drunkenness. As this Russification progressed, it was decided to change the nation's name to "Gruthenia" to reflect the Slavic heritage of the now-majority of the toniculace and honor the father of the nation, Matthew Grew.

In 1991, with the fall of the Soviet Union, Gruthenia finally began appearing on maps as diehard communists searched for a new home, bringing unheard of wealth and prosperity to the nation.

Coming up next: Episode 3: The Present Day! With Interviews!