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« on: April 28, 2008, 05:52:09 pm »
I looked on with disgust as some curly-haired dicknose squirted ketchup onto a fry. Each individual fry, he used about half a packet of ketchup on. Not in a pile, or lump, but onto the individual sliced spud. Behavior like this really shows the lengths of fucktardation the human race can employ. Other examples include mixing mayonaisse with ketchup and mustard, sucking honey and jelly cups, and eating mayonaisse out of a jar, all of which are about as absurd as pissing the bed because you're too lazy to get up. Condiments in excess to a certain degree really disgust me I guess. There's a line not to cross, and some freakish assmongrels really take serious leaps and bounds over it. These lapses in human intelligence really put my nuts in a chokehold. The only thing worse than excessive condiment use is eating weird shit. I had a friend who sucks the ends off of burnt matches. He says the stuff on the end tastes salty. Well cum tastes salty too, but you don't see me - Well, you get the picture. My sister eats popcorn butter out of the microwave bags. I tried it once and puked everywhere. It left this film on the roof of my mouth and made me gag. And the worst part of eating weird shit is when people eat weird shit in weird ways. I've got an aunt who lets her cheerios sit in the milk for about half an hour, then drains the milk and eats the soggy pulp left behind. Worse, she buys a generic brand and puts salt on it. I don't go over to her house, simply because of this anomaly of human taste. As I watched now, the kid with the curly hair kept on eating his fries like that. He had ten packets of ketchup left, and he was going to eat them all, that sick fuck. I couldn't watch anymore so I tried to turn away, but everywhere I looked you see more of this circus shit. A guy was filling his baked potato with ranch and spinach. A girl was eating her salad with marinara sauce. Another was taking cold pizza and dipping it into jelly. The entire cafeteria gleamed with such displays of shit that could make you retch that I just stared at my hands. I usually didn't come in here, because my girlfriend packs me a sandwich everyday. However, today she wasn't here, so I decided to buy lunch. Big fuckin' mistake. The choices were poor, so I ended up getting this chicken burger with a bun that was filled with perspiration from sitting under a heat lamp in a plastic bag. The fries were dry, and I could tell this was probably a batch that had been reheated a few times over the week. Still, like an blind old bastard, I ate it up. Hunger can help you stomach virtually anything. My next wrong move was picking a table where I knew a few people. Worse idea. The guy sitting next to me was eating a sandwich on wheat bread, and all that was on it was a piece of lettuce and some jello. I don't understand how he even came to that conclusion. How low does one have to sink into late-night reality TV to have your brains rot out of your fuckin' head and come up with this Nobel Prize winner. In a true burst of scientific awareness, he experimented with this ridiculously tarded idea and obviously can't taste for shit. Regardless of his reasons, he still deserves an asskicking for such crazy shit. I wasn't going to talk to him anymore. I don't care what he had to offer, an exchange of anything more than "Hi!", "Hey, get the fuck out of my face", was the future. After watching this ridiculous ass goblin eat I would hardly be able to speak to him. I turned my back and dug my nose into a book like it was Britney Spears' asscrack but couldn't pay much attention. It was Catcher in the Rye, and I really didn't have the patience for it in such a crowded and noisy environment. Also the couple a table over was making out, and the girl was giving him a handjob under the table. You'd think two young kids getting frisky would be able to arouse some erotic impulse in someone's brain, but these were some of the ugliest chuts I'd ever seen. They'd also fight constantly, and there's nothing I hate more than mean, ugly bitches. They have no redeeming qualities, and just suck along the bottom of the tank, scrounging for any scrap of affection, even it comes with STDs. At this point I was pretty much in the thick of this cum bubble of idiocy, and was ready to get the hell out. I got up and slipped past a few more batshit morons on the way to the door, and was on the verge of pushing it open and reaching a little liberation when a balding tan guy caught me by the arm and told me I had to stay until the bell rang. I told him that my pants were full of warm brown foam and that I needed to clean up but the assclown pursed his lips and pointed at my seat. So I waded back into the sea of tards, and kept giving the clock random glances while covering my ears so as to dampen the annoying outbursts of high-pitched squealing some dumb bitch thought was laughter. The pure hatred due to these many insane annoyances and idiosyncracies was finally building. I squirmed and pressed my legs against the bottom of the table. I felt something damp and pulled away, only to find gum trailing from it's domain under the table. This pushed me to the edge. It gave me the feeling of some smartassed ratdick slapping in the face repeatedly, and I didn't even notice what the fuckbag across the table was doing until he was in the middle of the tardtastic ritual. He had opened the backside of a milk carton, and stuck a straw into the front. He was sucking out of the front of the straw and getting his mouth full, then spitting it back into the chocolate pint, mingling his gross ass spittle with the rest of the milk. If there's anything I really hate, it's saliva. I can't stand the look, the smell, and I certainly couldn't take this fucking shitbag giving this performance of asshattery right in front of me. As he was about to take another sip, I slapped it from his hands. He started and gave me a look of incredulity, "What the fuck do you-" "NO, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, SHIT HEAD?" I shouted in answer to his dumbass question. He opened his mouth to speak but I rapped him on the face, "NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP! THAT'S THE GROSSEST SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN, FUCKBURGER! YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THAT WHATEVER POWER THAT KEEPS THE UNIVERSE FROM JUST BLOWING THE FUCK UP DIDN'T SMITE YOUR FAGGOT ASS!" I leapt up and got the fuck out of there. The teachers were too busy chatting up a couple of seniors girls, who looked upon these old fucks with eager and excited faces. I pushed open the metal doors and ran down the hallway swearing on my dead grandfathers tits that I would never subject myself to such belligerent faggotry again.
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