This place is infested with slugs

[Buck Turgidson]

I'm in the backyard again, doing my thing with a glass of scotch and a couple of kinds of smoke. It's really dark out and the stars are shining through a thin layer of medium altutude clouds. We've been having intermittent rains for the last week, and the sky only cleared just now. The ground and air are moist, and a thin dew is covering everything gradually, including this tablet.

I am a man's man. I burp and fart and yell a lot. Well, a moment ago, I reached over for my scotch, which is in a small tin cup, and in the dark, bumped the tip of my finger into a big, slimy slug. I yelped a little, but could not hold myself back from groping in the dark to find it again and flick it off. That slug really pissed me off, and took three full flicks to get it off the lawn stool it was climbing (and that held my scotch cup and portable sound system).

Th slug pissed me off because Belgium gets A LOT of rain, and there are slugs everywhere. When I take my kids to school, I often have to avoid a collosal slug or snail crossing my walkway. I avoid it because the kids are watching. These gross creatures are all over the goddamned place, and some primal territorial instinct of mine is over riding anything remotely karma-related.

Now, I am not cruel - I don't go around squishing the little fucks, but when the kids aren't watching, I flick them off the walkway with my shoe. If they are really attached to the ground they are on (no pun), and they separate into a few pieces instead of choosing to remain intact and go for a roll, then so be it. Now that's Karma, bitch.