HALP! I NEED HALP! URG-ATOM-ANT!

[ZPO4O]

So I'm trying to make a mutated ant, and I have hit dead end after dead end...

First off, its fall...its frickin hard as hell to find ants around in Minnesota in the middle of fall. I had to dig a damn hole in someones yard to get the bastards. I was chased out of a few yard late at night while digging, but I finally came across some ants. The bastards built their nest in the corner of a gutter.

The nest looked a lot like paper, the ants were a lot bigger then expected, and the bit like crazy. I knew some ants could fly, but I never heard of an entire colony of ants that could fly. Also never heard of any black and yellow ants, but meh!

Anyway...

So I tried knocking them out with gas so I could sew a few together, but that didnt work so well. needles and ants dont mix, they just tend to kill them.

Next up I tried radioactive waste. Well, the closest I had to radioactive waste was some white crusty stuff coming off of the battery of of an old radio I found. I put a few of the black and yellow flying ants in a container with this crusty stuff, and nothing happened.

So now im onto plan C, radioactivity! I figure the microwave should be good for this, but I dont know how long to put them in. So help me out RIA. How long do I put these flying black and yellow ants in the microwave? That and if it fails, what else is there to try?

[Jenne]

Id start with about 30 seconds, but you are gonba have to watch them.  You want them to id also swell a little, but if they explode then you are starting over. 

If that doesnt work, Id  suggest putting a fork in there with them.   Lightning has been know to cause mutations, but this is a little more controlled.

[Arsenal 10]

So I'm trying to make a mutated ant,

Stop reading here. Watch out for EPA, they will find you, and will kill you if you harm another living creature.

[Jenne]

So I'm trying to make a mutated ant,

Stop reading here. Watch out for PETA, they will find you, and will kill you if you harm another living creature.

I think you mean PETA.  The EPA doesn't give a shit about direct animal torture.  But god forbid your car smokes a little bit and it makes an owl cough.

[Untelligent]

If you want a mutant ant, just grab a wasp and cut its wings off.

[Arsenal 10]

So I'm trying to make a mutated ant,

Stop reading here. Watch out for PETA, they will find you, and will kill you if you harm another living creature.

I think you mean PETA.  The EPA doesn't give a shit about direct animal torture.  But god forbid your car smokes a little bit and it makes an owl cough.

Oh yeah. Shit. Well, you know what I mean.

[Fake from State Jarm]

So I'm trying to make a mutated ant, and I have hit dead end after dead end...

First off, its fall...its frickin hard as hell to find ants around in Minnesota in the middle of fall. I had to dig a damn hole in someones yard to get the bastards. I was chased out of a few yard late at night while digging, but I finally came across some ants. The bastards built their nest in the corner of a gutter.

The nest looked a lot like paper, the ants were a lot bigger then expected, and the bit like crazy. I knew some ants could fly, but I never heard of an entire colony of ants that could fly. Also never heard of any black and yellow ants, but meh!

Anyway...

So I tried knocking them out with gas so I could sew a few together, but that didnt work so well. needles and ants dont mix, they just tend to kill them.

Next up I tried radioactive waste. Well, the closest I had to radioactive waste was some white crusty stuff coming off of the battery of of an old radio I found. I put a few of the black and yellow flying ants in a container with this crusty stuff, and nothing happened.

So now im onto plan C, radioactivity! I figure the microwave should be good for this, but I dont know how long to put them in. So help me out RIA. How long do I put these flying black and yellow ants in the microwave? That and if it fails, what else is there to try?

first, stop pretending wasps are ants. this is serious. you don't even seem to have any idea of what mutated traits you're looking for. how would you go about testing the results? do you have a system for keeping Negative mutations in check? how do you cull defective batches so that they don't spread ant disabilities to later generations? would the mutations effect the social machinations of the ant super-organism? what I mean by that is, the main adaptation of ants is their ability to coordinate as a society, will the mutation change the role or the effectiveness of individual ants in their specific castes?

second, it will take several generations replete with insect miscarriages and tiny screeching abominations (re: alien resurrection) to produce a viable new species of ant. you will need an extensive ant farming operation complete with climate control and proper lighting to simulate daylight. you'll need to work out a system for feeding and watering, perhaps nutritional supplements to counteract the effects of radiation poisoning and boost their little immune systems. look up some insect nutritionalists and see if they know any suppliers who can sell in bulk at a reasonable rate. systems large enough to accomplish your goals can run into the thousands, so you need to save where you can. as for location, a basement is preferable to a garage, but the only hard rule is not your own bedroom, preferably opposite end of the house in case of outbreak. this won't prevent them from finding you, it will just buy you some time. may want to think about investing in an alarm/monitoring system, probably laser based motion detection. Also, don't burritos food out, and most definitely do not court disaster by eating in bed; crumbs are inevitable.

third, you can try finding radioactive material by breaking apart tiny electronics (especially those made in asia) and looking for components with the radioactive sign on them, but probably the best way to do it is steal some from a high school or college chemistry lab. or bribe a lab technician at a private practice to let you x-ray the f out of some food items. the idea is to slowly work it into their diet; too much at a time will overwhelm their systems and give them ant cancer. moderation is key here. of course if you can't get the queen to eat it, it's useless, she's the one who lays the eggs. true to form, every queen has slightly different tastes, and you need to find out what they are. try keeping a journal to brainstorm ideas and get an idea for her personality. after the first thousand stillbirths she's going to start doubting herself as a 'woman' and you will need to be there to take her mind off it with pulverized doritos or ranch dressing or apple cores or whatever you've gotten her accustomed to. she's the linchpin of the whole operation, you need to make sure you take care of her, and if you aren't ready to commit time and money you might as well give up now.

good luck son.

[Pterrydactyl]

Someone already tried that...

HALP! I NEED HALP! URG-ATOM-ANT!

Didn't work out very well.

[Untelligent]

Aw man, I didn't read the first post before posting and now my lame joke is even lamer because wasps had already been brought up in the topic before I got to it.

[Kenneth Kenstar]

So I'm trying to make a mutated ant, and I have hit dead end after dead end...

First off, its fall...its frickin hard as hell to find ants around in Minnesota in the middle of fall. I had to dig a damn hole in someones yard to get the bastards. I was chased out of a few yard late at night while digging, but I finally came across some ants. The bastards built their nest in the corner of a gutter.

The nest looked a lot like paper, the ants were a lot bigger then expected, and the bit like crazy. I knew some ants could fly, but I never heard of an entire colony of ants that could fly. Also never heard of any black and yellow ants, but meh!

Anyway...

So I tried knocking them out with gas so I could sew a few together, but that didnt work so well. needles and ants dont mix, they just tend to kill them.

Next up I tried radioactive waste. Well, the closest I had to radioactive waste was some white crusty stuff coming off of the battery of of an old radio I found. I put a few of the black and yellow flying ants in a container with this crusty stuff, and nothing happened.

So now im onto plan C, radioactivity! I figure the microwave should be good for this, but I dont know how long to put them in. So help me out RIA. How long do I put these flying black and yellow ants in the microwave? That and if it fails, what else is there to try?

first, stop pretending wasps are ants. this is serious. you don't even seem to have any idea of what mutated traits you're looking for. how would you go about testing the results? do you have a system for keeping Negative mutations in check? how do you cull defective batches so that they don't spread ant disabilities to later generations? would the mutations effect the social machinations of the ant super-organism? what I mean by that is, the main adaptation of ants is their ability to coordinate as a society, will the mutation change the role or the effectiveness of individual ants in their specific castes?

second, it will take several generations replete with insect miscarriages and tiny screeching abominations (re: alien resurrection) to produce a viable new species of ant. you will need an extensive ant farming operation complete with climate control and proper lighting to simulate daylight. you'll need to work out a system for feeding and watering, perhaps nutritional supplements to counteract the effects of radiation poisoning and boost their little immune systems. look up some insect nutritionalists and see if they know any suppliers who can sell in bulk at a reasonable rate. systems large enough to accomplish your goals can run into the thousands, so you need to save where you can. as for location, a basement is preferable to a garage, but the only hard rule is not your own bedroom, preferably opposite end of the house in case of outbreak. this won't prevent them from finding you, it will just buy you some time. may want to think about investing in an alarm/monitoring system, probably laser based motion detection. Also, don't burritos food out, and most definitely do not court disaster by eating in bed; crumbs are inevitable.

third, you can try finding radioactive material by breaking apart tiny electronics (especially those made in asia) and looking for components with the radioactive sign on them, but probably the best way to do it is steal some from a high school or college chemistry lab. or bribe a lab technician at a private practice to let you x-ray the f out of some food items. the idea is to slowly work it into their diet; too much at a time will overwhelm their systems and give them ant cancer. moderation is key here. of course if you can't get the queen to eat it, it's useless, she's the one who lays the eggs. true to form, every queen has slightly different tastes, and you need to find out what they are. try keeping a journal to brainstorm ideas and get an idea for her personality. after the first thousand stillbirths she's going to start doubting herself as a 'woman' and you will need to be there to take her mind off it with pulverized doritos or ranch dressing or apple cores or whatever you've gotten her accustomed to. she's the linchpin of the whole operation, you need to make sure you take care of her, and if you aren't ready to commit time and money you might as well give up now.

good luck son.