Ah, only 9 days until Halloween and counting. Ah yes...
Free candy, watching marathon after marathon of bad horror movies and specials youve already seen on TV, free candy, scaring the crap outta people, pulling all sorts of chaotic pranks on the neighbors, free candy, children going missing after accidentally knocking on
's house, free candy, finding people to add to my ice cream, free "candy".
Oh and did I mention free candy?
Its like Christmas, only more scarier and messed up.
So any of you squares got any plans for Halloween? I plan on taking my gf, friends and cousins to part of the woods outside of town that is supposed to be haunted for a bonfire. And of course, CANDY!
And remember, if you plan on doing something for Halloween, remember these rules:
1) The scarier the house, the better the candy, unless its a trap.
2) Dont go trik-or-treaking in a crack house b/c they dont have candy...but then hey. Free crack.
3) Always check to see if your candy isnt poisoned or something. Heres a couple of tips to fully check:
-Burn the candy. If the flame is green, its drugged. If the flame is black, its poisioned. If the flame is blue or orange, its safe to eat. If candy explodes, then you kno its an explosive and not candy.
-Give candy to me, and Ill check if its good or not. Just mail it and Ill get back to you eventually.
-Have children taste candy. If they're still alive in the morning, its safe.
4) Never EVER go trik-or-treating w/o a costume. Seriously. Failure to follow this rule results in death and you will go to hell. Im not joking here.
5) This is the one day that cosplayers dont look like fags. In fact, this is where they shine, so expect them to be egging you tonite for having such a lame costume.
6) Stabbing your wife or gf w/ a machete while wearing a hockey mask does NOT count as a Halloween prank. Trust me...i kno.
7) Always wear protection when your about to f*ck your hot zombie lover; a condom and a helmet.
8) Never have sex w/ a zombie, b/c remember: necrophilia is still illegal.
9) If you see anyone as a vampire or werewolf...you kno where this is going-*pumps shotgun*
10) Z-Com is still better than you.
11) Thanks to costumes becoming sluttier and sluttier, the word pedophilia doesnt exist today! Yes Im talking to you TS, SS, and everyone in the Red Light District. And if your under 18, then put out a show for the rest of us.
12) For the love of Moth, everyone stop dressing up as Cactuar. Like it wasnt bad enough when everyone dressed up as ninjas a few years back, yea you kno what Im talking about....
13) Markets usually have sales on pumpkins, fake blood, candy, LSD, stainless-steel knives, and chainsaws around this time of year.
14) If you see Robbie the Rabbit, dont be confused. Its Halloween, not Easter.
15) If you actually took the time and read this whole list, I can already tell what your gotta do for Halloween, so enjoy your booze and the random 3rd-rate "horror" movies on SciFi.
So what you gotta do?
Show Posts
