review; the predators movie

[Fake from State Jarm]

just saw it

action factor: good, the movie is not just a dumb testosterone fest but the action develops with purpose.

suspense factor: average, but good at some parts

coolness factor: very good, excellent at some parts

cliche factor: bearable and the characters aren't so stereotyped as to be boring, but stereotyped enough to be funny in a way.

unexpected death factor: not as much as some of the other movies but still good.


--spoilers follow, but no major plot spoilers.--

Main Complaint: in the dialogue, they advance the characters' awareness of what's going on, too quickly. the writers could have milked more out of the situation by realistically prolonging people's realization of this fucked up scenario. but, other parts of the dialogue are pretty good, so it's ok.

the premise as you've probably gathered from teh previews, is that they were selected, abducted, and brought to the planet (actually a moon I think). now the great thing about a plot like this is you can explain a lot of weird shit like 'why is it they could all speak english' oh because the aliens picked them out that way so they could communicate better and work as a team. it also explains why there are apparently some terran plantlife there, if the aliens have been doing this a long time they may have added plants and animals from various planets to make it more interesting.

things to look for when you see it:

I know from seeing it that there are/were Aliens (xenomorph, Aliens Trilogy type aliens) on the planet. how do I know this? there's a chestbursted corpse in one scene.

There's a new type of alien; no not the Aliens kind, and not the Predator kind, nor related to the Predator kind. It is delivered to the preserve in much the same fashion as the humans; but its plot significance is nil, so I wonder if they're establishing it for later movies. it does add to the chaotic, don't know what to expect feeling of the movie.

laurence sea kittenburne's character is awesome. I have no idea what he was eating or how he survived that long on the planet, but I suspect he had to eat other creatures/people which were delivered there to supplement his diet of strange alien fruits and shit. or who knows, maybe the predators drop in food and ammo too.

and at one point a character quotes hemingway, and yes it's a quote from hemingway, he's not oxshitting.

[Fake from State Jarm]

overall if you're really into the a/p/avp movies you'll like it, and if not it's still a b+ to A ish movie worth seeing at least once.

[C-zom]

It was so-so. It had as many good moments as it did bad. It also stole entire limbs from the first movie including the ENTIRE sound track, mud scene ,waterfall scene, multiple lines in the script, the minigun, so on and so forth. It portrayed the predators are inept (After suspenseful building up. The entire movie was good until the dog scene onwards.)

Overall just, meh. Meh rating: 5/10. I can say as much good as I can bad, so that makes it perfectly even. Better than the AvP movies? By miles. But worse than Predator 1 and 2. It needed more atmosphere and better pacing, no hunting dogs, more direction and better writing for all the characters and less cgi and gimmicks. Also, fucking Laurence sea kittenbourne. WHY was he in it.

Judging on the fact that hunting season lasted an entire day and the other "bodies" found were only a week old or so, I would have to say terrible writing or not but Laurence sea kittenburne's character was there for at most ten weeks, and not the implied years.

Things it did right:

-The sword fight
-The trap with the dead mexican was deliciously evil. When it said help me again, it was awesome.
-The initial fight in the camp
-Finally showing a female/queen predator

Sub notes:

I know from seeing it that there are/were Aliens (xenomorph, Aliens Trilogy type aliens) on the planet. how do I know this? there's a chestbursted corpse in one scene.

Sorry man, it was plasma. That guy (Remember all the traps?) set them all for the predator. It used the tree's and plasma'd him like a dick. Check out other plasma wounds in the movie, they're charred and tiny through the chest. Ala a burster.

[ಠ_ಠ King Death II ಠ_ಠ]

Laurence sea kittenbourne

First I was like who the fuck is this but then I realized that f i s h is wordfiltered to sea kitten

[Fake from State Jarm]

Laurence sea kittenbourne

First I was like who the fuck is this but then I realized that f i s h is wordfiltered to sea kitten

...

review; the predators movie

noobs don't know about Laurence sea Kittenburne

--spoilers follow--

It was so-so. It had as many good moments as it did bad. It also stole entire limbs from the first movie including the ENTIRE sound track, mud scene ,waterfall scene, multiple lines in the script, the minigun, so on and so forth. It portrayed the predators are inept (After suspenseful building up. The entire movie was good until the dog scene onwards.)

as usual, czom is an ascerbic cock when it comes to reviewing shit. of course it's going to borrow shit from the originals, because the originals were almost TWENTY YEARS AGO so they're making references to them to make people laugh and feel nostalgic. as for the mud, the girl said they used mud so the guy knew to use it. as for minigun guys, maybe aliens like guys with big guns.

as for the 'female' alien, I think you're mistaken, isn't that supposed to be a subspecies of predator? remember the line about the bigger ones hunting the smaller ones and it being a bloodfeud?

I know from seeing it that there are/were Aliens (xenomorph, Aliens Trilogy type aliens) on the planet. how do I know this? there's a chestbursted corpse in one scene.

Sorry man, it was plasma. That guy (Remember all the traps?) set them all for the predator. It used the tree's and plasma'd him like a dick. Check out other plasma wounds in the movie, they're charred and tiny through the chest. Ala a burster.

wrong. if a predator had killed him, he would have taken his skull/spinal cord, or skinned him, etc. and also, in a plasma wound, the ribs don't burst outward, as you can observe from when it happens to the russian, its' just through and through. all wounds like such are special effects anyway, so if they spent so much time creating the wound, and they ended up modeling exactly off of all the chestburst corpses even from the original alien movie, they're taking pains to imply something. I suppose it's possible it's a plasma wound, but chances are it's a chestburst. of course this also implies that he was setting the traps for a predator or some other alien and got caught by a facehugger, or he was setting the traps for a xenomorph-alien and instead of killing him it impregnated him, and only predalien queens can do that on the spot. it would be kind of funny to set all those traps for something big only to get face recruitd by a penis spider.

[undiscoveredbum]

That one guy's huge jew nose is too distracting

[Fake from State Jarm]

that's because action heroes are stereotyped to have non jew noses. who started this trend? hitler. you nazi.