Alternate History #1: What if Russia did not sell Alaska?

[Leo]

Also, we're doing your homework now, aren't we?

you are having us do your homework aren't you

Running out of original ideas, llama? Don't worry, I can emphasize with you, so let me give you some advice on how to deal with it.


Quit now while you're still respectable; the only other routes are to become boring or like me, and neither of those are things you want to be, so burritos the game now while you can still say you have respect for yourself.

lol guess I wasn't paying attention. oh well.

*empathize

No, I meant emphasize.

[Jessy]

@llamavore: Actually no! Let me explain

We had a class assignment (wait!!). The assignment was to make a history scenario that would have a profound change in today's world. My group chose a particularly a hard topic - what if U.S. Civil War was won by the South? < < < That one was actually really hard. So after I heard all of the other topics and hear my topic (I got an A!), I started to wonder of all these other scenarios. The one about Russia not selling Alaska was one that came through my head.

I though this might be a pretty fun experiment and fun thing to talk about on the forums. Perhaps, one day I could bring this in to Sparta's forums. I think this was a successful experiment since I have gotten some pretty elaborate, interesting, and humorous answers. I want to do more.

@GrilledSlug: This is byfar the most complex, complete and most elaborate answer of them all!! I love it!! I love the first and last responses!! haha But now I have more questions...

New Zealand, as always, is given only a nodding acknowledgment of being on the same planet
^ ^ ^ < < < What does this mean for New Zealand? Are they more powerful than what they would be now, or just the same? Would they just be the similar New Zealand they are today?

China. Why would China be so aggressive towards others? (It doesn't surprise me that they would, but in this scenario, why would they go the path of 1930's real world Japan?)

Also, this is alluding to my next topic... What would be of Antarctica today? Would it still be mostly uninhabited or would it be used of its resources from some nation(s)?

[Leo]

Antarctic would be the same in my opinion. Too harsh for people to effectively mine resources from.  Also, New Zealand has always been limited by the size and location of its nation, restricting its ability to expand through conquest/trade/other means.


PS: I'll probably be completely gone from IRC until after next week. I was crazy sick this week since the day we got back to town, and now it turns out that I have 4 tests plus other stuff next week to keep me insanely busy.

[Buck Turgidson]

New Zealand - Leo's has it dead on.  Location and size makes them a remote market.  The fact that there is no oil doesn't help either.  Their best hope for increased importance in the world is to resurrect the Dodo and start a unique petting zoo.

China - unconstrained by US power, China eventually defeats Japan in 1952 - 800 years later, the Divine Wind blows the other way.  By this point, they have pushed out the Brits (Boxer rebellion), and a second nascent industrial power.  In possession of Japan's industrial base, and with the resources to expand it, they industrialize more quickly, soon dominating the world camera and electronics markets.  That technology makes its way into their military, which is unconstrained from agressive action like the Japanese in our Universe.  Interestingly, the next shore for them is Alaska, so the US' rise to superpowerdom doesn't happen until...oh I think I am drifting off topic. 

Antarctica - frustrated by defeat in the Falklands in this scenario too, Argentina invades Antarctica, also claiming it as part of the Malvinas.  Coming to the defence of the Emperor Penguin, a substantial flight of Guillemots fly non-stop and come to the defence of their kin, sending the Argentines reeling a second time. 

While proving that they can defeat the Argentines in battle does not prove sentience, the world suddenly comes to respect Penguin-kind more deeply.  This doesn't work out too well for the Penguins, as it provokes fear, and the world opts to crush them by polluting the atmosphere, slowly destroying their habitat.  Until they are all dead.  And New Zealand resurrects them as a new exhibit in their waning petting zoo.

[Leo]

China - unconstrained by US power, China eventually defeats Japan in 1952 - 800 years later, the Divine Wind blows the other way.  By this point, they have pushed out the Brits (Boxer rebellion), and a second nascent industrial power.  In possession of Japan's industrial base, and with the resources to expand it, they industrialize more quickly, soon dominating the world camera and electronics markets.  That technology makes its way into their military, which is unconstrained from agressive action like the Japanese in our Universe.  Interestingly, the next shore for them is Alaska, so the US' rise to superpowerdom doesn't happen until...oh I think I am drifting off topic. 

Don't forget that Japan invaded China during WWII and was only held back by the US. China still hasn't forgiven Japan for what happened during the war ("Rape of Nanjing" being a famous example). Also, Japan's geography and location make it a challenge to invade, the reason they were isolated from the West for so long (until a US naval ship arrived one day).

Antarctica - frustrated by defeat in the Falklands in this scenario too, Argentina invades Antarctica, also claiming it as part of the Malvinas.  Coming to the defence of the Emperor Penguin, a substantial flight of Guillemots fly non-stop and come to the defence of their kin, sending the Argentines reeling a second time. 

While proving that they can defeat the Argentines in battle does not prove sentience, the world suddenly comes to respect Penguin-kind more deeply.  This doesn't work out too well for the Penguins, as it provokes fear, and the world opts to crush them by polluting the atmosphere, slowly destroying their habitat.  Until they are all dead.  And New Zealand resurrects them as a new exhibit in their waning petting zoo.

Argentina has never owned the Falklands, but I'll ignore that for your broader points. In addition to penguins, Argentina would face competition from its neighbors. Chile already claims a piece of the Antarctic and is feisty when it comes to these sorts of things. As a Chilean, I wouldn't be surprised to see the country hand out guns to the penguins (a mistake that would bite back in 2065 when South America is then taken over by the cute little things). Also, koalas, they're awesome and have nothing to do with this but they're awesome.

[Buck Turgidson]

On that point we differ, sir.  Koalas are nature's ass holes.

[Leo]

On that point we differ, sir.  Koalas are nature's ass holes.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!! Koalas are furry and cuddly and all sorts of awesome-sauce. They're like cute midgets but with claws and baby pouches that make them mini kangaroos without the accent.

[Buck Turgidson]

On that point we differ, sir.  Koalas are nature's ass holes.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!! Koalas are furry and cuddly and all sorts of awesome-sauce. They're like cute midgets but with claws and baby pouches that make them mini kangaroos without the accent.

Fine, we do agree.  They do make an awesome sauce.  Also, crunchy Koala spread is great in the morning.

[Leo]

You little fucker. When the cops find your dead body, they'll know who was capable of such atrocities as those I shall inflict on someone who dares harm the sacred koala.

[Kenneth Kenstar]

I remember watching a Alternative History series called CSA.

It was told through commercials like this:

Darky Toothpaste

(This actually exists, btw. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darlie)

Here is the whole video

The Confederate States of America

It basically implies that the Confederate States of America never found soul music and black people left for better countries. This leads to the country being boring as hell. (Not even joking)


The video is kinda stupid, honestly. Some interesting points though.

[Buck Turgidson]

You little fucker. When the cops find your dead body, they'll know who was capable of such atrocities as those I shall inflict on someone who dares harm the sacred koala.

Are you THREATENING me, sir?  Get back up your tree you Koala-hugging, monkey-like, dirty, smelly, hippie.  Your 'passion' for the little creatures is obviously a ploy to get women to find you attractive - it is the kind of underhanded, subverted, perverse behavior I expect from a communist.  Are you a communist, sir?  I'll have you know that I love Koalas too - they make great shoes.  Of course it takes each one a lifetime to make just one...

[Leo]

It's not a threat, it's a prediction of your future.

And I refuse to comment on the veracity of the rest of your statement other than to say that where you're going, you won't need shoes.

[Buck Turgidson]

Oh, so now you're a fortune teller?  You aren't threatening me because you're using magic?  There you have it: the koala lover is also a warlock.  Are you the evil kind, or the type that just changes its shade once it falls off the cliff? 

Not that I am predicting the future or anything.

[Leo]

I'm the kind that bashes your knees in with a lead pipe and then proceeds to fuck you up using thumbtacks.

[Buck Turgidson]

I see, Gandalf the Kinky.  But you started telling us that you find koalas awesome, but did not say what exactly piques your interest in them.  Do elucidate, dear chap.

[Leo]

On that point we differ, sir.  Koalas are nature's ass holes.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!! Koalas are furry and cuddly and all sorts of awesome-sauce. They're like cute midgets but with claws and baby pouches that make them mini kangaroos without the accent.

I believe I already answered that.

[Buck Turgidson]

Who says they don't have an accent?  Have you ever even MET a koala?  Have you been watching cartoons? 

And here I was taking you seriously.

[Leo]

I am a koala.

[Buck Turgidson]

Do you have a matching twin sibling?

[Leo]

Yes.