Apple, you did it again. The OS X Lion Feature List

[Kenneth Kenstar]

http://www.apple.com/macosx/whats-new/features.html

I am so

FUCKING

ABSOLUTELY

TERRIBLY











I know what you Apple H8RS are thinking: xfd apple sucks

Well, go fuck yourself you Windoze morons. This is REAL TALK TIME so C UR WAY OUT

Let's get on with this very informative topic, shall we?



When I first clicked on this page, I basically just shit all over myself in excitement when I saw this at the top of the page.

Okay, I need to calm down or I'm going to have a FUCKING MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION

So, anyway, after I cleaned all the shit and piss from myself, I decided to actually scroll down the page in SO MUCH ANTICIPATION

The first thing that catches my eye is the new holy fuck I can't even bring myself to type it




AN HD MOUSE CURSOR

In Lion, the cursor is crisp and sharp at larger sizes.

I'm starting a tally, you fuckers. Ever feature I absolutely just love, I am going to give Apple one point and take one away from Microsoft.

Apple: 1, Micro$oft: -1

Oh, man, I'm approaching the Address Book section. This is like my favorite section.

Improved Yahoo! support

Yearless birthdays

My god, this is one thing I've always hounded Apple for. Better Yahoo! support. I can't tell you the amount of times I've been completely fucked because of the limited functionality of a Yahoo! account. And, for those times I can't be bothered to find out the year someone was born, Apple again to the rescue.

I have to clean myself up again.

Moving on, I see this

Cancel transfer
To cancel an incoming transfer, open the Downloads stack and click the X that appears on the icon.

THANK YOU APPLE FOR YOUR GENIUS

God damn, I need to update the scoreboard already.

Apple: 1000, Micro$oft: Fuck OFF

Buy Lion from the Mac App Store
As soon as Lion is available, you’ll be able to buy it from the Mac App Store.

Installs in place
Installing Lion from the Mac App Store is quick and easy. It takes only one click to download, then a few more clicks to run the installer.

Install on all authorized computers
When you purchase Lion from the Mac App Store, you can install it on all your authorized Mac computers. Just sign in to the Mac App Store from each Mac and download Lion from the Purchases list.

Microsoft, being the worst people on the planet, would probably list this as one feature because they don't know a god damn thing about computers. Remember folks, we are dealing with Apple.

OS X Lion includes built-in support for full-screen apps.

Okay, you know what?

I'm not going to lie. I'm going to be completely serious right now.



This is the best fucking idea I have ever heard of. Not only that, but Apple thought ahead and made sure to list every one of their individual programs ability to do this...as a separate feature.

Full-screen iCal
Take iCal full screen so you can see even more events and the details associated with them.

Mail delivers a full-screen experience, so you can read and send email without distractions.

Full-screen Photo Booth
Photo Booth in OS X Lion delivers a full-screen view that takes advantage of the entire screen on your Mac.

Full-screen Preview
With a single click, Preview takes your document full screen for an ideal reading or viewing experience

Full-screen QuickTime
Take your QuickTime video full screen and even switch away to another app while your video continues to play.

Full-screen Safari
Take Safari full screen and experience your favorite websites on a grander scale. It’s perfect for viewing more of your Gmail inbox, Facebook newsfeed, or Twitter trends.

Take the screen-sharing application full screen in Lion

Full-screen Chess
Take Chess full screen and turn your Mac into a virtual chessboard.

And, believe it or not...

Full-screen Terminal window
Take your Terminal window full screen and give yourself more room to enter and view command lines.

Apple:


Micro$oft:

Search the web
When you choose Search Web from the Spotlight menu, Safari opens and displays search results using your default search engine.

Apple is going to be the death of me through their constant excitements. What a revolutionary idea...searching the web... this is going to change everything, folks.

But, Apple, while you are making this next release of OS X SUPER FEATURE PACKED, here is the real question on all of your fans minds...

Will it be pretty?

You bet your ugly, unloved, moronic ass it is going to be pretty.

Custom desktop color
Now you can create a custom solid color from the color picker.

CUSTOM COLORS FUCKERS. You can't even do that on this web site! Maybe if Apple designed this site, you'd even have...

New desktop pictures
Choose from several new desktop pictures included in Lion. You can find them in the Desktop & Screen Saver preference pane.

Apple:


Micro$oft


I can't believe this honestly. This is literally the best operating system ever designed. I'm speechless.

How can you even make this better Apple?

Resize from any edge
You can now resize a window from any side or corner.

I can't finish this topic because I'm fucking dead.

[Fake from State Jarm]

I asked for an imac for christmas when I was a kid. wrote the whole 'dear santa, I've been a really good kid' 500 word essay addressed to the north pole and everything. then on christmas day I was so excited, I had barely slept and I ran downstairs in my footies. It took all of an hour to figure out none of the presents were for me, and when I found my stocking it was full of reindeer droppings and a note that said 'sometimes being good isn't enough.' Then my parents who had been trying not to laugh but finally lost it, took me to the store to buy a windows pc, telling literally everyone they met along the way "hey this kid wrote santa asking for an imac," and then they would all laugh, and in the checkout lane they made me recite the letter over the loudspeaker and I cried. even all these years later a lot of those people send my family christmas cards addressed to "the family with that kid who asked santa for an imac, lol." to this day I still can't get an erection.

[Jenne]

I am still waiting for the part where they did anything actually useful.

edit: Nevermind.  I made the mistake of actually reading the link rather than your commentary.  I should've known better

[Snowbound Milk]

Improved Yahoo! support

Yearless birthdays

My god, this is one thing I've always hounded Apple for. Better Yahoo! support. I can't tell you the amount of times I've been completely fucked because of the limited functionality of a Yahoo! account. And, for those times I can't be bothered to find out the year someone was born, Apple again to the rescue.

I have to clean myself up again.

Couldn't take you seriously after this.

[Rorick]

Improved Yahoo! support

Yearless birthdays

My god, this is one thing I've always hounded Apple for. Better Yahoo! support. I can't tell you the amount of times I've been completely fucked because of the limited functionality of a Yahoo! account. And, for those times I can't be bothered to find out the year someone was born, Apple again to the rescue.

I have to clean myself up again.

Couldn't take you seriously after this.

I couldn't take him seriously after his first sentence.

[Dontasemebro]

I was literally rolling around laughing from some of this. I even hit myself in the head laughing. Thank you.

[Kenneth Kenstar]

to this day I still can't get an erection.