Random Insanity Alliance Forum, Mark V
Cactuar Zone => Random lnsanity => Topic started by: Damen on February 24, 2008, 04:10:25 pm
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Damen: *walks on screen* Hi, my name is Damen, and I'm required by law to tell you that I have been convicted as a sexual predator. But, don't worry, she was dead at the time but thanks to the miracle of science, she is now only a half-traumitized teenager!
Flask: *walks beside him* Hi, my name is Flask, and I was forced to do this against my will.
Damen: This is the story of me and my best pal Flask-
Flask: *chuckle*
Damen: ...best pal Flask and our crazy shenanigans. This story is all about me and him, about nothing else. Nope. Nothing at all...
*camera pans to Azural, standing with goofy glasses and a tophat on*
Azural: Hi, my name is Azural, and my father never loved me.
*studio audience laugh*
Azural: Oh, I'm just joshing you, but my father doesn't matter until the sequel. For now, this is me:
*picture of a little kid hugging a pet walrus*
Azural: That's Wally the crazy Walrus. Now, about two months ago I asked my girlfriend to marry me. This, is Lanna:
*picture of Lanna getting dressed*
Azural: ...this was before we were dating, mind you. This is a picture of the guy I took this tophat from:
*Damen is seen running after Azural*
Azural: And this, my friends, is a picture of the goofy glasses emporium
*Crackhead is seen in an alley, holding a kidney in his left hand and using his right to give Azural the goofy glasses*
Azural: They smelled like waste for a few days, but they only cost me five dollars this way. And here is where I bought my nice T-shi-
*camera pans to Lanna, sitting in casual clothes and looking at Azural*
Lanna: That's my fiancee, whom I love despite his...shortcomings. Hi, my name is Lanna, and I'm an alcoholic.
*studio audience gasp*
Lanna: Oh, I'm just joshing you, that's just my mother...my brother...my other brother...my other brother...my sister...and occassionally fiancee.
*pained laugh*
Lanna: Anyway, these are my parents. First, my father:
*man is seen reading, ignoring the cries of a small baby*
Lanna: That baby was me, by the way. Here's my mother:
*woman is seen in front of a wine cellar, carrying a baby*
Lanna: ...me again. I...kinda had a troubled childhood.
*picture of a bear chasing after a half-clothed little girl is seen*
Lanna: I was swimming, and how the hell was I supposed to know that bears could swim? Anywa-
*Azural walks on screen*
Azural: This is the story about how I met my best gal's parents.
Lanna: And how they met him.
*camera pans to Damen yelling at director*'
Damen: What do you mean, not interesting?!
Director: The audience requested a romantic comedy...
Damen: There's plenty of romance!
Director: With all do respect, sir, the first five chapters are all about the girls you'd like to fuck...
Damen: Quality lust and love!
Director: ...the next 8 chapters just say "Nigger" over and over...
Damen: Repetition! It's an art!
Director: And the last 50 chapters talk about the colonization of early America...
Damen: A little history is good for the youngin's!
Director: And that's not even starting on the sequel, Goldifucks and the three Bubbas.
Damen: ...that sequel crossed the line, didn't it?
Director: To quote..."Goldifucks found that the first <censored> was too small, and the second <censored> was too big, but the third <censored> was just right."
Damen: ...Yeah...
Director: I'm sorry, but this story has been a long time coming.
Damen: You're fired.
Director: You work for me.
Damen: Fine then, I'm fired!
Director: ...Okay then...
Damen: No, I quit!
Director: ...Okay?
Damen: *walks out* I'll make my own skit...with blackjack, and hookers!
*giant banner lands on Damen*
*Azural and Lanna stand in front of banner, embracing each other*
Meet the Yangs
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<_<
Its alright. Not as funny as expected.
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*camera pans to a college dorm in Fort Smith, Arkansas*
Abbadon: *runs in front of college, naked and drunk* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Lanna: *watches from room* ...
Abbadon: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *starts to jump up and down*
Lanna: *looks at thermometer* *sees it's 12 degrees farenheight*
Abbadon: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lanna: *talking to friend* Um...do you see that?
Friend: Uh, yeah. That's Drunkenking
Lanna: Drunkenking?
Friend: Um...he gets drunk a lot...
Lanna: ...Drunkenking?
Friend: His real name is Abbadon, but everyone calls him Drunkenking
Lanna: What does he think of that?
Friend: Uh...he calls himself Emperor Whimsical, so I guess he doesn't mind'
Abbadon: *is now running in circles around a frozen fountain* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lanna: That's...interesting.
*phone rings*
Lanna: *picks up* *to friend* It's Troy...
Azural: Lanna, I just had the GREATEST idea.
Lanna: ...?
Azural: Okay...what would you think of me getting drunk...and then running around a frozen fountain...genius, right?
Lanna: Actually...
Azural: Wait, let me finish. I'll be screaming WHOOOO the whole time.
Lanna: Honey...
Azural: And...I'd do it in front of a college dorm!
Lanna: Um...Troy...
Azural: AND THEN I COULD GET EVEN MORE DRUNK AND MAKE UP A WHIMSICAL NICKNAME
Lanna: I'm watching a naked guy do the same thing you just described
Azural: ...Really?
Lanna: ...Uh, yeah...
Azural: Naked! I knew I was forgetting something! *writes down*
Lanna: So...when are we going to meet my parents?
Azural: Well, we've only been going out since August...
Lanna: ...We've been engaged for 2 months...
Azural: Heh, yeah...
Lanna: I guess it doesn't matter...but we do need to meet my parents before the wedding, ya know?
Azural: Yeah...let's meet them when we graduate
Lanna: That's a couple months from now.
Azural: I know.
Lanna: Don't you...think that's a bit too late?
Azural: It's never too late to get drunk.
Lanna: ...
Azural: Sorry, I'm half wasted and my mind is stuck on beer.
Lanna: O...oh...
Azural: Don't worry, we'll meet Tarzan soon enough
Lanna: You mean my parents?
Azural: Oh...yeah, sure...
Lanna: I have to go. I love y-
Azural: And I love beer.
*click*
Lanna: ...
Friend: Hey, you're marrying him...
Lanna: Shut up.
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lol. XD
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*at Barlett International Airport in Tennessee*
Flask: Breathe...just breathe...
*big guy walks out*
Big Guy: Yo name Flask?
Flask: Uh...y-yes si-r...
Big Guy: Has a seat, right der.
Flask: *sits*
Big Guy: So, what makes yous think yous qualified to be a Stewardess on dis find airline?
Flask: Well...I'm qualified. *hands over resume*
Big Guy: *reads* Bear wrangler?
Flask: I had a fun summer.
Big Guy: ...Prostitute?
Flask: How else was I supposed to get my niece through college?
Big Guy: Uh...hm...professional...mailman?
Flask: The mail has to be delivered by someone.
Big Guy: Yos have an interesting resume.
Flask: *chuckles* Thank you, sir.
Big Guy: You're hired. You start on Monday.
Flask: Okay, then. *jumps out window*
Damen: *takes off Big Guy mask* And so it begins.
*in New Blaine, Arkansas*
Man: Honey, I sense something wrong.
Woman: What is it, dear?
Man: I think that our daughter is in grave danger.
Woman: From what...?
Man: From...an idiot
*at Lanna's Dorm*
Azural: I can fly out there Monday!
Lanna: That's great!
Azural: Yeah...where do you live again?
Lanna: Troy...are...you drunk?
Azural: No *hiccup*
Lanna: Troy, are you lying to me?
Azural: *large thud*
Lanna: Troy?
Azural: *nothing*
Lanna: ...Troy? Honey?
Azural: *snores*
Lanna: Did you pass out again? *screams* TROY!
Azural: *wakes up* Wha? I'm up, I'm up!
Lanna: We have to talk about your alcohol addiction.
Azural: It's not an addiction.
Lanna: Uh...honey...yes it is...
Azural: Yeah, I know. *chuckles*
Lanna: So, when are you coming out?
Azural: I said Monday.
Lanna: No, I mean when are you really coming out?
Azural: Monday?
Lanna: Everytime you say that you get drunk and have to fly out at some later time.
Azural: hehe, yeah...
Lanna: I'm serious.
Azural: And I'm taller than you.
Lanna: ...this...this isn't a pissing contest.
Azural: And neither am I!
Lanna: ...
Azural: HA! TROY 1 LANNA 0
Lanna: Seriously, Troy...
Azural: I'll be out there Monday, I promise.
Lanna: Okay, babe. See you then. I have to go now, I love yo-
Azural: I LOVE YOU
Lanna: ...
Azural: I SAID IT FIRST! HA! TROY 2 LANNA 0
Lanna: .........
Azural: HA!
*click*
*back at New Blaine*
Man: Hm...
Woman: What is it, dear?
Man: I think Lanna is in trouble.
Woman: Again?
Man: Yeah...hey, is she engaged?
Woman: Not that I know of...
Man: I just had a feeling. Call it Father's intuition. *goes back to reading*
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Lanna: Okay, babe. See you then. I have to go now, I love yo-
Azural: I LOVE YOU
Lanna: ...
Azural: I SAID IT FIRST! HA! TROY 2 LANNA 0
Lanna: .........
Azural: HA!
*click*
Hehehe
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This still isn't funny. <_<
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This still isn't funny. <_<
this
except Azural=Troy
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This still isn't funny. <_<
this
except Azural=Troy
That's because Azural's name is Troy...
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Yes. That was what I liked about this.
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LOL... I thought this was funny.
Looking forward to reading more, and Damen... don't think you can beat me with writing stories.
Lanna 7, Damen 4
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lol
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>_>
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<_<