Random Insanity Alliance Forum, Mark V

Cactuar Zone => Random lnsanity => Topic started by: DrunkWino on February 28, 2008, 01:53:27 pm

Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: DrunkWino on February 28, 2008, 01:53:27 pm: Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a HUGE fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work/class cocktail, a beer at the game and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chotonictes as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings).

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls/Text Messages: While I agree with you that communication is important. I question the suggestion that conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of toniccorn or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your Biggest Fan

P.S. Please take a moment or two and note the following items below that I think may be of some interest to you.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry but you're not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Would you like a soft taco?

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: wethepeople on February 28, 2008, 02:21:21 pm: XD
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: enragedlobster on February 28, 2008, 02:37:46 pm: Win.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: schneereich on February 28, 2008, 05:48:03 pm: hahaha
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Lanna on February 28, 2008, 05:55:50 pm: I love this!
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Reoga on February 28, 2008, 06:23:35 pm: But what would we call you then?
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Divineslasher on February 28, 2008, 06:48:38 pm: Mmm copypasta

oh and tl;dr
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: —- on February 28, 2008, 07:24:19 pm: Quote from: EnragedLobster
Win.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: 1ofkind on February 29, 2008, 08:24:40 am: After about 5 beers I'm asking to get sick once the hangover hits me in the late morning a few hours after midnight. It used to be hard, but with my practice I can deny more beer now easily.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Ganon5 on February 29, 2008, 11:14:20 pm: I'm not sure why but I don't really get many hangovers. I have to drink a lot. The worst I usually get is that bloated feeling. Bourbon Belly I callz it
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Rozie Sedai on March 01, 2008, 06:04:52 am: That was good.
I have trouble saying half those things when I am sober never mind pissed out of my head.

Umm..what is a bag of tonnicorn?
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: King Pengu on March 01, 2008, 09:11:25 am: Quote from: Rozie Sedai
Umm..what is a bag of tonnicorn?
P o p c o r n.

Filter changes p o p to tonic.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Dontasemebro on March 01, 2008, 09:14:45 am: DAmn now IM gonna go have some popcorn for breakfast.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: King Pengu on March 01, 2008, 09:16:16 am: I hate admins. They always do stuff we can't do, just to piss us off.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Dontasemebro on March 01, 2008, 09:27:46 am: You can do it. Everyone can do it. I did it before I became an admin.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: King Pengu on March 01, 2008, 09:39:23 am: And how?
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Lord Xnut on March 01, 2008, 11:06:04 am: Lol, that was pretty fiunny.
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Crunka on March 01, 2008, 03:45:19 pm: ROFL

i <3 drunk wino(s)
Title: Dear Alcohol,
Post by: Ganon5 on March 01, 2008, 05:41:46 pm: Bravo, sir
Quote from: King Pengu
And how?
http://cybernations.rialliance.net/index.php?act...amp;qpid=188015 (http://cybernations.rialliance.net/index.php?act=Post&CODE=02&f=3&t=12737&qpid=188015)