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Topics - Buck Turgidson

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Random lnsanity / New color scheme.
« on: May 02, 2016, 02:55:24 am »
Green and brown? This place looks like the bottom of a Taco Bell bag after the meal.

I think this must be what caused the literally dozens of RIA members that we have had over the years to turn away. We need to be shinier.

What about a new color scheme?

Random lnsanity / I've forgotten how to war in CN
« on: September 16, 2015, 01:32:55 pm »
And almost so in P&W... We need some action.

Random lnsanity / News: RIA win Cybernations
« on: June 16, 2015, 05:47:59 pm »
01/04/2027 - Reuters/Associated Press - At first, this reporter thought that the "RIA" story was for an IRA cover group. Luckily, this reporter was corrected by local expert, who happened o be sitting at the next barstool.The barstool expert revealed a world of intrigue and apathy that could bore drying wallpaper. So there and then in sight of the decrepit remains of the last known server to have ever run the game, the reporter listened. He could almost hear the bustle of the city, and felt like he was there on the only memorable day in the simulation's long history. The headlinemstory read:

In a surprising turn if events, the "Random Insanity Alliance" team wims the long running online nation building simulation game, Cyber nations. It was most surprising because, of all alliances in the Cybernation universe, the RIA seemed to have the most corpses posing as players.

When the last player logged in he was identified as the winner of the Cybernations, and promptly shot in accordance with Masonic tradition. No one attended the elaborately staged event.

Random lnsanity / Alliance org chart
« on: May 23, 2015, 04:47:42 pm »
I would like to amend the alliance org chart at the right of this page to read as follows:

Princess Celly

Head of Economics:

Head of Foreign Affairs:

Head of Internal Affairs:

Head of Military Operations:

Head of Recruitment:

Buck Turgidson

Random lnsanity / BOOM
« on: April 18, 2015, 04:37:21 am »
I just fired a cannon in this place. Let's see if anyone gets hurt.

Random lnsanity / Sherlockpudding
« on: February 23, 2015, 03:00:03 pm »
You know who you are. Step up.


Random lnsanity / RIA Cancelled
« on: February 19, 2015, 12:21:10 pm »
In light of recent events, the RIA has been cancelled until further notice.

Thank you for watching.

Spam / New expression takes the place of the word "SPAM"
« on: January 06, 2015, 02:02:05 pm »
Some of you internet people might have heard that the word "Spam" is out of fashion. The new expression is called "Big Foot". It can be used as a noun or as a verb, but absolutely never to refer to reconstituted meat in a can. Never.

You heard it here first.

So say we all.

Random lnsanity / A cold november wind
« on: November 28, 2014, 05:43:17 pm »
blows steadily from the northeast. It is a clear night and my breath licks my cheek and tickles my ear. Jets pass by intermittently, interrupting the wind with petrochemical thunder. The Big Dipper keels in the distance, and my ears are cold. In fact, my ears seem to be a top of mind subject at the moment.

Another top of mind subject is WHAT THE HELL IS THIS WAR ABOUT? FUCK.

Random lnsanity / Will the real Llamavore please stand up?
« on: November 21, 2014, 07:37:53 am »
I just want to avoid any carnage that may be caused by his continued absence.

Random lnsanity / Homeless fashion
« on: November 18, 2014, 03:36:08 am »

Random lnsanity / A solution to the ISIS problem
« on: November 01, 2014, 07:43:04 pm »
After spending a lot of time drinking alone in the dark and thinking about this, I think I have a practical solution to the ISIS problem.

The fundamental problem is how to separate the fighters from the civilians.

The land that they have occupied is basically the waterways of the Tigris and the Euphrates and everything in between. However, that does not include the sources of the two rivers (they are in Turkey and Jordan, I believe), nor their common exit to the sea. The land even a few tens of klicks from the rivers are desert (not counting irrigated land). This dictates their future moves, since the most precious resource for their survival is water, not oil. They will need access to the sea to import and export goods, and as you will now see, they will need to control the sources for security reasons.

I propose that we introduce an incredible quantity of tranquilizer or THC into their water supply. It would have to be non-lethal, available in sufficient quantity for prolonged seeding, and stable at the natural temperature of the water. And tasteless. It should take time to build up in your system, and take something like 4-5 days of drinking to suddenly take effect. It should also be long acting, putting people to sleep for something like 3-4 days.

Once administered, you would just march in, remove anyone holding a gun, and in confinement continue to give them the same water when they wake up, in faster acting doses until all the good guys you knocked out with them can be separated as you identify everyone.

As ISIS fighters are identified, you place them in a huge, enclosed, self governed colony wired with web cams, and using tethered drones to web cast their every waking moment to the world. Then let everyone see how a colony of testosterone-poisoned men age together without the company of women.

To make it economically viable, you sell the webcast access, and do pay per view events. Something like dropping an AK47 into the colony, loaded with blanks that look indistinguishable from blanks. I know that this all sounds like the movie Absolom with Ray Liotta, but that's fine. The you have another event where you drop a clip with live rounds and watch the fun. How about dropping a copy of Hustler? Or a copy of Gent with some bare-asses muscle man wearing only chaps on the cover. Wouldn't you pay a buck to watch that for an hour?

Do you think that this would present any ethical issues? Would it be a positive step toward comprehensive peace in the middle east?

Random lnsanity / Is it time to retire Llamavore 2.0?
« on: October 28, 2014, 11:20:47 am »
Well, what do you think? Have I honoured Llamavore enough? I would like to be crude again, but I really can't do that in this guise...

Random lnsanity / Wild pig gets drunk, fights cow
« on: October 07, 2014, 02:19:02 am »

Random lnsanity / Quiet return
« on: October 06, 2014, 02:36:39 am »
Well, I am done molting, and am now my brand new self.

Don't worry, I will be as curt, snyde, and curmudgeonly as always, but I will try to be clever for a change.

Here is my brain scan to prove it:


Random lnsanity / Spank my ass and call me Judy
« on: October 02, 2014, 02:20:13 am »
Really. Get to it.

Random lnsanity / A punch in the face
« on: September 27, 2014, 07:42:56 pm »
Ok, so I got into an altercation today. And I got puched in the face for the first time since I can remember. And I nearly killed the guy. To the honest best of my recollection, it happened like this:

I pulled up to the gas station, and it was busy. My car has a right-hand fill, and all of those pumps were all recently occupied. I was the only one in line. There was an empty space about to free up for a left hand fill, but it was in front of a car that had just pulled in. So I drove around to the pump, and the guy was still fiddling around. So I waited. I had my kids (3 and 5) and my mother in law in the car, and my wife has been on business travel for 3 weeks. I may have been a little touchy.

When he finally cleared the pump, another dude drove up and positioned forward of the rear pump. I needed like a foot more space, and we could both have filled up. So I flash my headlights to try to get his attention for a little sign language (no, not that), and make the situation work for both of us. He ignores it. So I honk the horn, he looks up, I gesture for him to move back a foot, and he nods no. No.

So I get out of the car, walk over to his car, and explain it verbally, and he still says no. So I get into my car, and move mine forward (we are head to head) to within 2-3 mm (about 1/8 of an Inch). He wigs out, and gets out of his car, saying he is going to call the police, but before doing so, starts taking pictures of my car to grt the license plate. I freak out, because my kids are in the car, and a picture showing kids in a car with a license plate could allow some sicko to get my home address. I know that it sounds crazy, but in the age of social media, parents can get a little paranoid. So I grab his phone/camera - snatched it right from his hands, and asked him if he was a pervert. As you can see, this is going nowhere enlightening, so I understand if you stop reading now.

I told him that I would hand his phone to the police, but there was no way to give it back to him directly. I told him to get someone to call the police, that I would wait in the car, and could he please move his car back about a foot. I called him a pervert again, and headed to my car with his phone.

He screamed to people to call the police, and when they did, he, get this, runs over to my door, opens it, and just starts waling on me. He connected only 2-3 punches, but did so from a height and advantage, as I was seated and buckled in. I couldn't believe it, and was pretty well catatonic until the 3rd punch rolled in. It was going to be a miss, but my expert blocking ensured that it made a sqaure hit on my front jaw. I cocked a punch, watched him, squinted, and threw a brutal one in his face, he leaned back a little, which gave me time to get my feet into a defensive position so I could fiddle with my belt. He leaned in and I blocked his punches the right way this time. I kicked him in the stomach once, undid my belt, kicked him again with both feet, diaginally upward since I was seated sideways in the car).

He reeled, and I got up. I watched him patiently again, blocked a couple of his throws, and then connected with his left jaw joint. His head turned and his body followed, so I put him in a headlock. I put him down on the ground, pinned his left arm to his ribs with my knee, and left his right arm trapped. I had total advantage, and cocked for a clear shot. I asked him if this was what he was looking for. At that moment, some other dude stepped in to break up the fight, and I backed off.

Now I love to debate and argue, and I do get a kick out of good screaming match, but I am by no means a violent person. The only fights I ever got into in school were when I was being picked on or bullied. I never had much patience for that, and therefore got into fights. I was a nerd not because I was small or lanky, but because I was socially awkward as anyone who knows me can attest.

The last time I got punched in the face or anywhere for that matter was when I was about 16. This of course excludes my brother. Until recently we used to get into loud arguments that evolved into physical confrotations and usually exit from the bar.

I can't imagine behaving differently given the circumstances, and I know I was responsible for a lot of the escalation. My uncle Tom, who committed suicide a couple of years ago due to abuse by a priest, would surely have just sat there with a smile, waited for the guy to leave, and pull up before the next one did the same thing.

Random lnsanity / Flash Mob vote
« on: September 22, 2014, 02:18:37 am »
For the next Senate election, I propose that we randomly pick someone who, with our support could move to position #4 or 5 from whatever obscurity they currently suffer. And by 'randomly' I mean someone other than Cheeselands.

We could be a true random force in elections, and as such, the true kingmakers. And in our own way, we could put a long succession of village idiots in charge of the Maroon sphere.

Which would be an improvement.

Random lnsanity / Scottish Referendum
« on: September 17, 2014, 07:31:56 am »
My prediction is 43% vote Yes.

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