This is pretty awesome

[Gangs]

did anyone say sex? i thought someone said sex! this topic needs more sex!

[Vice Man]

did anyone say sex? i thought someone said sex! this topic needs more sex!

Control F shows that nobody had said "sex" in this topic before you did, but since you bring it up, I'd like to know under what circumstances Zitan was concieved. It's not that often that you hear about some dude getting drunk and waking up next to a green, four eyed, three boobed chick.

[Gangs]

Mmm, three boobed...

[The Angry Alien]

Actually my father was the Zagorian, and looks nothing like that. I can't type the long story right now, tomorrow I will.

[The Angry Alien]

Alright, here's the short version of the story.

In the Sun's immediate stellar area are nine different races, each capable of interstellar travel and warfare. All nine formed an alliance which strictly prohibited the colonizing of planets with life on them, fair enough right? However one of the races, the Tyforians, had an outpost (basically an interstellar pit stop) on a small planet with no life on it. Then, one day life was found, and the alliance council ordered them to shut the outpost down, but the Tyforians said that since they did not colonize a world with life on it, because it had sprung up after they landed, that they could stay (The Tyforians are infamous for their ability to find loopholes) Then suddenly a meteor collided with the planet, killing off all life except for the Tyforians (outposts are made to withstand meteors up to 13.72 miles across, this one wasn't even 8) You can see why the council would be suspicious right? So they sent a small ship and pretty much never heard from it again. Blah blah blah Tyforians are banned from the alliance and the eight remaining races declare war on them blah blah blah Tyforians attack a primitive planet (a planet with a race that has not made a public contact with another planet's race) blah blah blah now the alliance has officers stationed at every primitive planet we can travel to and, you guessed it, Earth's one of them. My father was Zitan XLI (Zitan is a very revered name) and was chosen for an experimental procedure. They would take human DNA ad through a very long and complicated process infuse his tissue with it, allowing him to transform into a human at will, allowing my race, the Zagorians, to keep an even better eye on humans and more importanly, the Tyforians. Well it worked, for a few hours, then they heard him say a few strange, frightened, words into his communucator, and no one heard from him for a long time. He was send on a task in Scotland, and by what I know, the experiment caused his brain to be infused with the DNA of the human they took it from, so when he transformed into a human he actually thought he was that human. He met my mother and got married, then one day the Zagorians found him, still as a human next to my mom who was 8 months pregnant (this was a few years later). Because of the odd circumstances the Zagorians were forced to take them back to a starship located very far away from Scotland, namely . Back then  was not even known by many Native Americans, so it seemed a perfect spot to stay. So to take them they used "sleepy gas" where they did an emergency procedure on my father, and mother. Father to remove all traces of the human DNA, at the end of which he stepped out as a full Zagorian, but would never be able to change into a human again. Mother, because she was in labor. When I was born everone was worried as to what I would look like, then I came out, looking like a regular baby human boy. Everyone was shocked and relieved at thae same time, they thought I would be some strange looking monster-thing, but nope, I looked just like a regular human boy. Then my father held me, and I started to morph, and within a few second I looked just like a Zagorian. Now everyone was shocked but, well just shocked. As it turns out Zagorian DNA and Human DNA interact in extremely strange ways and don't "mix", a bit like water and oil. I could freely change between a Human and Zagorian as easily as I could walk across a room. I was born January 16th, 1281, and now do the job my father was originally supposed to do.

Good enough for you Vice Man?

[Jenne]

Fuck this topic sucks now.  Someone please close it.

[Fake from State Jarm]

[Ganon5]

 
Always wanted to use that

[Vice Man]

Good enough for you Vice Man?

So he looked like a regular human being at the time? That's boring, I was expecting tentacles.