Marathon of Madness

[JackSkellington]

Dawn of the Dead(Newer version)

Another movie bad enough that I'm too lazy to write a full review of, so I'll just sum it up. The entire movie is riddled with pointless scenes. There is no build up to the outbreak or climax whatsoever. Most everything they do is illogical and they generally don't plan out anything except for a basic "We'll go here, then here, and then here". The inconsistencies with how you turn into a zombie and how long it takes to effect you is ridiculous. Some guys have to die first(Die from the virus) to turn into a zombie and it takes quite a bit of time, other guys turn into zombies without dying and within 2 minutes of being bitten. Overall just a horribly written movie.

1/10

[C-zom]

1408

I went into this movie not really expecting much more than a few conventional scares, poor acting and overall not enjoying it but what I got wasn't a bad movie. Scary? Not really, but it was a clever thriller that was genuinely evil at times and really convinced me haunted "house" movies aren't all bad.

Qussack plays a stubborn jackass writer who has a minimal fan-base who's job is to solely hunt down haunted hotel rooms and post fake reports on them or debunk them alternately. He stumbles upon the room 1408 in a Hotel run by Samuel L Jackson who presents a decent, but short, cameo. The build up and tension to the room is better than the actual scares but both sides of the coin still present a good story.

The camera angles are excellent and so is the pacing, hinting at the horror of the "unknown" lurking in the corners of the camera or even the camera acting as something sinister's vision at times. And the pacing really developes a slow decline in mental stability until the room takes full control and starts delivering sucker punch after sucker punch to the main character's sanity. Its an enjoyable, and believable, thing to watch unfold until the bullshit ending (The ending played in theaters would have made the movie a solid 8/10 for me if it was there.)

It was a good, but not perfect, movie that showed there's still some energy left in the age old house on haunted hill story. The room was almost a character too, it was menacing and straight up a dick.

7/10

[C-zom]

Dawn of the Dead

This is an inconsistent look at the zombie outbreak without any actual tension, consistency or excitement. The outbreak happens in five minutes into the movie and is summed up in 30 seconds with a cheesy intro to Johnny Cash. From then on its a boring ass ride where five people (Five idiots who are each a "part" of a normal person so five of them amount to the intelligence of one fucking guy) run around a mall without any actual idea or motive and wind up following whims and goose chases. The action is pathetic and quick, the slow motion is ridiculous (But its Zack Snyder after all) and you don't give a shit about *any* of the characters.

And then its over. Tada!

1/10

[JackSkellington]

Black Christmas(Old Version)

Another short review for a terrible movie. Just a boring movie. Everything the cops do and everything the girls do is entirely illogical. There's no build up. There's no sense of actual horror or scare factor. There is no atmosphere whatsoever. They try to creep you out with the voices the killer does, but it simply is more stupid then it is scary or creepy. Second worst movie so far behind The Vanishing.

0/10

[C-zom]

Black Christmas

The originator of the slasher/teen murder genre also falls victim to its own originalties and cliches. The girls are purposefully dumb, the cliches pile up just like the bodies and it tries to creep you out in ways fresh in 1974 but are all but insanely boring at this day and age. The production is absolutely penny thin: The mics are ugly sounding, the killer's voices are done so poorly you can't hear what he's saying, there's no gore, etc. It tries to creep you out with how he walks or the phone call but it becomes ridiculous when the movie's timeline goes on for a week or two as bodies sit in the house and he LIVES in there with no showering or food as everybody else goes about doing their usual shit.

Also, this movie is *slow*

The writing is terrible, the acting blows, there's only 3 kills in the movie and two are off screen... its a mess of a movie. No atmosphere, no horror: The only thing it did was create a forgettable genre.

[JackSkellington]

There's one on screen? I remember the first girl dying which was less then shown, the house mother dying which was less then shown, and then the other 3 girls were also not shown.

[C-zom]

There was just one on screen, the plastic bag kill. Rest are off camera, you're right.

I watched The Blob. Not gonna bother with a review, how the fuck is this movie's budget 9 million?

[Gangs]

cause its the blob......review the THING too please, me lieks!

[C-zom]

I will once it comes up. The Thing is one of my favorite horror movies, in my top 3.

The Blob

A bad, conventional, been-there-done-that B-movie that is just about weak on all fronts. I'm going to leave this review pitifully short as its hardly even a horror movie and was put on the list as a joke. Its mildly entertaining when people get killed by the blob but there's only around four kills in the whole thing. It goes on for way too long and doesn't show a penny of its nine million dollar budget; a Sci-Fi channel movie at most. Bad movie, waste of time.

Up next: Pet Semetary (Yet another crap movie. This is ridiculous!)

[Fake from State Jarm]

at the end, review this thread. that shall be your punishment.

[Flask]

I remember seeing Pet Semetary on TV as a kid. I think it gave me a nightmare because of the toddler that went around killing people.

[C-zom]

Pet Sematary

Not as bad as I remember, but still extremely weak compared to 1408 or the rest of the good movies on the list. I gotta be honest; I have little complaints about Fred Gwynne. He plays an unsettling but believable character and the scenes with him are arguably the best in the film. The rest of the movie isn't as good as his performance though; it builds up some decent tension now and then (The "Timmy" flashback was cool, but too much like Frankenstein.) and also Fred's narrations of the sematary in general.

However I feel like its wasted potential. It all amounts to gore scares our, quite literally, cat out of the bag jump sequences that leaves you with a been there done that taste in your mouth. With a bigger budget, less focus on lame "gore" scenes, it could have been a fun thriller.

3/10

[C-zom]

Misery

This movie has little to no good qualities, and I never understood the excessive praise it receives when people discuss the best possible stephen king movies. Its not scary, or intimidating, or immersive. The paper thin plot servers as a floatation device for 3 or 4 awkward moments between a crazed fan and a writer stuck in her house until to achieve a completely unexpected conclusion. The map is thrown into the river too soon on this one; you know that he's in trouble almost right away and this isn't made a trick or surprise. For an hour and a half it drags on, and on, methodically making her more evil while sacrificing consistency.

Then he begins to snoop around and basically *asks* to get "hobbled". At this point the cliche side story of a hero to the rescue gets turned on its head and instead of ending here it goes on for another half hour (So one wonders why the sheriff was even thrown in.) and then one of the silliest ending fights closes the movie.

Waste of time

[C-zom]

Audition

This was an interesting watch but certainly wasn't a horror movie. Its essentially what happens if you mix Jacob's Ladder and Fatal Attraction. What starts off as an innocent (and very, very long winded...) love story turns into a completely insane and nonsensical array of weird scenes, images, and torture until you don't know what the hell is happening anymore and then it ends. Its quite a finale to a boring and completely non-scary movie. What was done well are two things: The narrative and atmosphere. You learn quickly that everything isn't as it seems and that you might just have a case of an "untrustworthy" directing meant to mislead. On top of this the atmosphere is well done, there's a very slow creeping sense of dread so to speak--Its small, and minor, but there. The main problem with this is you WANT the main sucker to die. You know the chick is batshit crazy and sadly that was the biggest flaw: They give it away 20 minutes into a movie thats a bit over two hours.


I can't hate it because it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't as good as I've been lead to believe either. Its essentially a mystery romance until the last 30 minutes where its just a wall of scenes some people would regard as disgusting. Passable but not gripping.

[C-zom]

Suspiria

I went into this movie only knowing its name and its consistently high praise among gateway horror watchers. And upon completion I cannot meet this praise and even could say its the worst movie I've watched yet, behind The Vanishing. Its an artsy look at witches and the occult with a color pallet of red, and more red, and an aggravating one-song score that replays over and over and over during every single scene the director assumed was an edgy or scary scene. We follow an italian ballet student to an academy and confusingly learn that its not really an academy, but the real purpose is housing a coven of witches.

Its a loosely connected story with quick exchanges of dialog or confusing written passages. At the end of every other scene someone dies, someone we barely know, and its supposed to be striking but I couldn't help but think "who were they again?". Most of the time the camera lingers painfully on "mysterious" scenes or on "artsy" architecture that is supposed to be, I don't even know what, refreshing?

What I'm saying was this was a needlessly complicated and artsy movie that can't even be labeled as horror, more like dark fantasty. Thoroughly disappointing movie

[C-zom]

I now need to upload reviews for

1: The Innocents
2: An American Werewolf in London
3: Nightmare on Elm Street

[C-zom]

The Innocents

This an oldie ghost story with a surprising slew of special effects for the time which is something to give it props for. Anyway, the story is a woman looks after two orphans while their uncle is away and soon discovers the house has a secret (Who'd a thunk with a ghost story?) and the kids are in on it. What unravels is just, uh, linear as far as I can describe it. Everything that you'd think would happen does and while not hostile in the least the ghosts themselves prove to drive everyone crazy when they see them.   The star ends up discussing with a maid about what to do about it and drives the secret out of her, at which point the movie ends almost too abruptly.

Essentially its a love-mystery invovling ghosts and possession, and the entire movie is as simple as that summary. Pretty dry, pretty boring, but well acted. Its like 49 years old, what can you say? Still beat the shit out of Vanishing...

[C-zom]

An American Werewolf in London


I walked into this movie blind. What I wound up watching was a black comedy that wasn't funny at all, and a horror movie that had absolutely no on-screen kills or atmosphere. Two americans wind up in London on some un-named trip and they almost immediately come across a bar (with a secret <_<). No one talks to them or is kind and they eventually drill out some tea for themselves from the stubborn barkeep.

The two dimwits don't notice the werewolf protective signs or the crosses or religious markings all over but the viewer does. What happens after this, after absolutely no buildup, is this: They walk out of the bar and walk off road for some reason and get ambushed by a werewolf. One friend dies, one friend runs for it. He comes back like a douchebag and gets sliced up. Then the bar crowd shoots the werewolf, just once, with a shotgun. It dies.

One could argue the entire movie is pointless at this point seeing as one shotgun blast from 100m or so can KILL the werewolf. But it goes on and on for another 50 minutes detailing a romance and black comedic scenes before he finally turns and kills all of four people off screen. Waste of time movie.

[C-zom]

Skipping Nightmare on Elm Street's review, but I watched it. Fuck that movie.

[REC]

While not a perfect movie or filming format REC still manages to build up an unshakable atmosphere of intensity and, eventually, creepiness that's bound to stick to you for a few hours after watching. To drive this home a believable and logical plot involving an "infection" of sorts is the backbone of everything that happens after a news crew and a handful of residents get quarantined in an apartment.

Its not slow to build at all and becomes a documentary on frantic survival in a little over 15 minutes. This pacing is only dropped now and then as breathers between the action which work as speed bumps to deliver you character development. You won't be caring about any of the characters except the main female lead. The movie knows what it is, and doesn't distract with angles of friendship's or romances.

Its a bloody and frantic movie until the last act which still sits as one of the creepiest finales I've ever seen in a movie. Notice how I didn't say scary: I've yet to be scared by any movie. But this doesn't mean you can't respect, and get immersed, in the sheer unsettling atmosphere of the ending. The subliminal hints on the walls, the doctor's recording, when you see "it" with a hammer. Good lord.

[C-zom]

Inside

This French Slasher came out of left field for me. I don't know who suggested it or why its on the list, but after watching it I had a wealth of opinions about it. For one I've been up and down the Slasher movie road and haven't found a movie this gory since Happy Birthday to Me or The Thing (Latter is not a slasher, but the point still stands.). Inside is the tale of a pregnant woman who gets stalked by a woman. The pregnant girl, Sarah, is locked in and soon the stalker gets in.

What happens is entirely illogical and forgettable and full of cliches, but whats noteworthy is the sheer detail and amount of blood there is. Its also not for the faint of heart, *at all*, as it features a live on camera c-section with scissors and somebodies face melting in real time from a makeshift torch with a surprising degree of realism and NO computer generated effects. Every stab, gunshot, piercing, hack and slash on screen that modern movies hide off screen is here in full view and full brightness.