I apologize RIA...

[ZPO4O]

Not for my lack of being here...but for my emotions that will most likely start to show if and when I converse with any of you people here. I am making this in RI because I feel it doesn't quite belong in RIA...however this is far from a joke.

For the times I do come here, or perhaps for the people who I know from here that talk to me online or play with me in games...I apologize for the emotions and feelings that will be showing up soon...

Now I know you can and most likely will all make "its his time of the month!" jokes and bullshit like that, but thats expected.

Its just last week I was let in on some bad news, and it just now today is starting to hit me. How long I will feel the effects I have no clue, and to what extremes I also have no clue. I have never really dealt with a situation such as this, so it's uncharted territory for me. However I have made lots of mistakes in my every day life today, and not to mention kinda flipped out on a friend today as well...so I feel this is the beginning of the storm, if there will be any storm...which I'm sure there will be.


So with that said, I once again apologize. Joke all you want, take me as serious as you want, just know I already warned you of any forthcoming actions of me. Thus, as far as I am concerned, you can all suck my dick cause I already warned you of my mind status. By that I mean this, if I flip out on you for no reason, don't expect an apology or a sorry, cause this is that sorry right the fuck here.

[Vietnamese Guy]

ITS HIS TIME OF..

i mean, whats wrong? people don't start flipping out for no reason, will CN monies help?

[IronSoldier820]

i mean, whats wrong? people don't start flipping out for no reason, will CN monies help?

CN monies at this point would be like giving a Band-Aid to someone who just got their entire damn leg cut off.

In other words, sure.

[—-]

What happened Zeep? =/

[ZPO4O]

<_<
If I can transfer over the CN money into real money it might help...

But no, it wont help.

About a week or two ago I found out my friend has Lung Cancer...I was told it was operable, however he would need to quit smoking first. Well not even a week ago, I found out it was worse then what they originally thought. He has cancer in both lungs, and was given 3 years to live. However with the fact that he wont quit smoking, he has less then that.

The thing is, this is one of the two people I have to thank for getting through school. He was in tie for my second best real friend, and my third longest known friend.

Im kinda jumping back and forth from being sad for him, to being angry at him, to being pissed off to no end at myself...

Just acknowledging his for-coming death is hard for me...I have never had to deal with the death of someone I cared about before so...

The thing is though, as I said, I cant tell if I want to be sad for him cause hes dying. Mad at him for not quitting and not even attempting to tell me about this. Or pissed off to no end at myself for letting the friendship between us die...

I still see him as a friend, I still care for him...however I have just been too busy lately with work, school, and life to make time for him. For a while it was really awkward to be with him, cause every time we got together, we hung out with my ex. So when me and my ex broke up, I kinda stopped talking to him a bit. Finally when I was ready to start hanging out with him again, I was too busy with other stuff. I didn't make the time for him, and now he doesn't see me as a friend. He wasn't even going to tell me about this. The only reason I know, is because my ex told me...It's my fault he sees me as a dead friend...its my fault I cant be there for him. His only phone was a prepaid cellphone that he let run out and never refilled. He has no internet, no xbox live, and lives in an apartment that you need to call someone in order to get in. I cant even talk to him, and it hurts...

Call me a sissy, call me a sap, call me a wuss, i don't give a shit...he was a good friend, and its my fault our friendship died...and now he himself is waiting for death...

[zblewski]

I wub woo.

[—-]

Zeep.. =/ It's not your fault.. You didn't know. I'd just try to keep in contact with him, get close again.. I'm honestly not sure what to say.

[Vietnamese Guy]

wow dude, that totally sucks

[ZPO4O]

Yeah...it does suck.

What sucks more is his ex finds him annoying...shes fucking able to spend time with him, he at least shows her that he still counts her as a friend and waht not...yet here she was, telling me hes annoying...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER!?

Then she gets pissed off at me cause I say shes lucky to have him giving her attention...he stops in and talks to her while shes at work...

first of all, if you have someone you are dating who does that, your lucky as it is. But to have someone do that whom you are not even dating? Thats even luckier!!! It shows that they care enough to stop by and say hi, even though there is really no need or obligation to. She finds it annoying and laughs about it. It upset me...so i quite frankly, let her know how I felt about that situation, then she got upset with me...god I hate people who dont fucking open their eyes. He has lung cancer, is dying, and still makes time for her, even though I have reached out and achieved nothing for it. I called quite a few times before his phone ran out of minutes...I tried stopping by his appartment when I was around...I got nothing. The most I got was a brief 5 minute talk on the phone before it died off...and it was mainly "im sorry what? The phone cut out."

[zblewski]

Yeah...it does suck.

What sucks more is his ex finds him annoying...shes fucking able to spend time with him, he at least shows her that he still counts her as a friend and waht not...yet here she was, telling me hes annoying...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER!?

Then she gets pissed off at me cause I say shes lucky to have him giving her attention...he stops in and talks to her while shes at work...

first of all, if you have someone you are dating who does that, your lucky as it is. But to have someone do that whom you are not even dating? Thats even luckier!!! It shows that they care enough to stop by and say hi, even though there is really no need or obligation to. She finds it annoying and laughs about it. It upset me...so i quite frankly, let her know how I felt about that situation, then she got upset with me...god I hate people who dont fucking open their eyes. He has lung cancer, is dying, and still makes time for her, even though I have reached out and achieved nothing for it. I called quite a few times before his phone ran out of minutes...I tried stopping by his appartment when I was around...I got nothing. The most I got was a brief 5 minute talk on the phone before it died off...and it was mainly "im sorry what? The phone cut out."

Don`t be sad

I apologize RIA...

[ZPO4O]

<_<
That reminds me of good times...back when I was in school with him...back when we laughed and joked together...before girlfriends, before exs, before jobs, before life got all hussy bussy...


...i miss those days, i miss john...I should tell his ex to say hi to him for me...if she will still talk to me at least.

humph...its not much, but its better then nothing...

[Mr_Cynic]

Man.  I can't even begin to wrap my mind around that.  I'm sorry.

[bioakky]

Man.  I can't even begin to wrap my mind around that.  I'm sorry.

'cause yours is too small.

[Kaiser]

I'm really sorry about that.