I just had to duck out of a meeting...

[Buck Turgidson]

...because I got a rogue boner while sitting at my desk.  Just would not go away.  I tried thinking of old grannies, and was surprised to find that this only made the problem worse.  This happens to me a lot - when I was younger, I often rode the bus several more stops waiting for my wandering harpoon to quell itself enough to not be mistaken for a hatrack.

Any ideas on how to deal with this in a way that won't harm my career? 

[Cashflow]

I was once told a nurse didn't like seeing a guys boner so she whacked it with a pencil

[Leo]

Getting off using gets my boner to go down.

[Gangs]

Wear boxers, pants with deep pockets, use the hand towards which your dick is inclined, put it in your pocket, pull your dong into your hand through your pants, profit.

Also, thinking of having sex with zombies helps.

[Leo]

Wear boxers, pants with deep pockets, use the hand towards which your dick is inclined, put it in your pocket, pull your dong into your hand through your pants, profit.

Also, thinking of having sex with zombies helps.

Helps what? Helps you get off?

[Jenne]

Tuck it up under the underwear band.  Wear your shirt untucked.  That will at least hide the problem.  It also kinda hurts, so it will make it go away.

Other than that, buy some pants that fit so they dont rub on your junk you fucking hipster.

[Leo]

Other than that, buy some pants that fit so they dont rub on your junk you fucking hipster.

Wait, what?


*buys tighter pants*

[Electric Mango]

I would tell you a joke about my boner but it's too long.

[Buck Turgidson]

Geez - this was a Leo Mango magnet.  The zombie thing just might work.  Untucking my shirt would hurt my career, try as I might, I am not bringing Risky Business back...

[Electric Mango]

Serious answer and you can trust me,  I'm kind of an expert on boners. What you want to do is flex another large muscle,  such as your thigh, until your boner goes away,  usually only 30 to 45 seconds. This diverts all of the blood currently being sent to your penis into your other muscles and deflates your erection.  Now give me a llama.

[Buck Turgidson]

There's your llama.  I'd like one too for setting the scene.

[Leo]

Serious answer and you can trust me,  I'm kind of an expert on boners. What you want to do is flex another large muscle,  such as your thigh, until your boner goes away,  usually only 30 to 45 seconds. This diverts all of the blood currently being sent to your penis into your other muscles and deflates your erection.  Now give me a llama.

I will try this one day and if it works, you sir, will be awesome.

[Buck Turgidson]

I just tried it.  Now my leg has an erection.

[Leo]

I tried it, but it didn't really work. Then I thought, this is stupid, when I'm having sex (theoretically), I'm flexing lots of muscles and my erection doesn't go away (usually).

[Electric Mango]

Leo, the only thing that could kill your erection is a tourniquet.

[Leo]

Can't a belt be used as a tourniquet? Yeah, I think that's called Thursday morning.

[Buck Turgidson]

No man, you're thinking of a David Carradine.

[Kenneth Kenstar]

When I was in third grade, I told the teacher that I was a girl and that my mom dressed me up as a boy everyday before I went to school.

This caused quite a stir and I was immediately sent to the nurse's office.

When she asked me to take down my pants, my dick was so fucking hard.

[Buck Turgidson]

When I was in third grade, I told the teacher that I was a girl and that my mom dressed me up as a boy everyday before I went to school.

This caused quite a stir and I was immediately sent to the nurse's office.

When she asked me to take down my pants, my dick was so fucking hard.

Oh my god I can't get up from my desk because I am crying laughing.  I hat to tell a colleague that a close relative died so I wouldn't have to show them your post and get reported to HR!

[Shadow]

I'm sorry for your loss.