Wish Game

[Untelligent]

Granted, I don't share it with you.

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

[Grand Poobah Marx]

Granted, it kills you for neglecting it.

I wish Phoenix Wright and all his manifestations across the interwebz ceased to exist.

[Lamentations]

Granted. However, zombie Phoenix Wright from an alternate universe comes after you and unleashes a swarm of crotch-eating scarab beetles and maggots which devour your genitals while you are still alive. The critters soon die of starvation.

I wish everyone got to sleep in until midday every day.

[Grand Poobah Marx]

Granted, but then the US falls behind the world even more, and the Chinese conquer us.

[Lamentations]

the US

  wat  

[John Fire]

Where's the wish? You are granted nothing becaise you have not made a wish!

I wish for a cigar that is made of 100% cuban tobacco and will not kill me.

[erictheholeking]

granted but it tastes like shit because the cuban who rolled it didn't wash his hands after wiping his ass and his finger poked through the paper.
I wish every day was payday and no work on paydays.

[John Fire]

Granted. However, you do not have a job and don't get paid at all and nobody is hiring. You have to live like a hobo.

I wish for a cigar that is made of 100% cuban tobacco and will not kill me, and the cuban who rolled it washed his hands.

[Lamentations]

Granted. However, he washed his hands in poison (and crotch eating scarab and maggot eggs) and hilarity ensues.

I wish for optimus prime as my bodyguard.

[pielord47]

granted but the next person who attacks you is Chuck Norris and he totally kicks Optimus primes butt

i wish for one person to always agree with me

[Untelligent]

Granted, but you turn emo and he agrees that you should die and he kills you.

I wish that fly stopped trying to fly in my ear.

[Grand Poobah Marx]

Granted, but it turns out to be zombie, succeeds in flying into your ear, then controlling you forever.

I wish that I had a bag of Jewel cookies that never ran out, and I could eat them without getting fat, or dying, and they had no poison, and they tasted good, and nobody else could have them except with my permission and they sold for $10,000,000 each cuz they tasted so good.

[Vector]

granted but i light you on fire

i wish for a new cell phone (o wait...)

[Grand Poobah Marx]

Granted, but Neo runs by and grabs it to call Morpheus.

I wish for I wish that I had a bag of Jewel cookies that never ran out, and I could eat them without getting fat, or dying, and they had no poison, and they tasted good, and nobody else could have them except with my permission and they sold for $10,000,000 each cuz they tasted so good and owning them or wishing for them or eating one makes me impervious to all damage or ill affects the poster after me says will happen, ill affects being defined by me.

[Vector]

granted but you get diabetes and can no longer eat them

i wish for a working xbox 360 that wont get the 3 red rings

[Grand Poobah Marx]

Granted, but I shoot you for not reading all of it.  Diabetes is what I define an ill effect.

I wish that people were good.

[Vector]

granted but death note is never writen and everyone dies because it was so good (and its over now)

i wish for SPARTAAAA!

[Grand Poobah Marx]

Granted, but you die fighting the big-ass wolf thing.

I wish...w/e Ima go do homework.

[Vector]

granted your hw is done and you must come back here now

i wish for a pencil

[pielord47]

Granted, but it contains radioactive lead and you grow an extra limb from every hair on your body.

I wish for light!